Disappointed

I chose this title because that is my exact emotion I’m feeling right now. Disappointed; Mainly in myself.

For the past 50 days, I’ve participated in a fitness challenge at a local studio gym. As part of the challenge, we could go to class twice a day, bring new friends with us, and make a social media post to our accounts. All of these actions resulted in the participants (me) collecting stars on a calendar.

This was super hard, considering I had to go to classes fitted around Drake’s nap schedule, stay up until midnight to book him into childcare a week early, and it became physically taxing to do two workouts a day. Nevertheless, I persisted and didn’t give up.

Every time they’ve done a point count, I’ve come up as #1. Yay!! At least my hard work was paying off, right?

Fast forward to today.

The results are up…

I didn’t win.

Like what?? How did I go from #1 every point count, to someone else jumping up 79 points since the last count? I mean good for her, clearly she’s a machine. Me? I’m just a busy mom.

As Nathan would say, “if you’re not first, you’re last” and truthfully, I feel like I’m in last place. Which is SO dumb because I’m not, but I had worked so so so hard to win.

I’m feeling disappointed because I figured that these last 50 days would pay off with winning the 6 month membership.

Pay off for putting Drake into daycare over 75 times just to get to class.

Pay off for neglecting household chores.

Pay off for leaving during the only alone time I have with my husband.

Pay off for the constant zombie-like state I’ve been in for the last 2 weeks….okay maybe the last 50 days.

Pay off for missing out on other activities I wanted to go to, but couldn’t because I needed to get my class in.

I feel really guilty, when I know I shouldn’t. Feeling like I shouldn’t have given in to my super competitive nature & just spent more time with my baby instead. At least I’ve learned from this lesson.

I feel like I’ll never do this challenge again, but there were some positives that came out of it too. I’ve lost almost all of my remaining baby weight, resulting in being 17lbs lighter since August. I’ve made good friendships with some of the other people at Oranj. I have really found a deep love and connection for yoga. I have appreciated spending time alone. I have made good connections with the instructors. I feel like I belong there. But, among all of that, I do feel a loss.

It’s okay to feel sad.

I am a healthier version of myself a year ago. I may be the same weight as I was before I had a baby, but I can now do full pushups and spin over 135rpm. I am VERY proud of myself for sticking to the 50 day challenge, but still feeling a little glum.

I’ll get over it.

In the mean time, I’ll be over here slowly (mainly because I’m so sore lol) picking myself up to dance under my little rain cloud. Cheers to being done 50 hard days of working out!!

Bay

ps. just because the challenge is over, doesn’t mean I’m done going. I still love getting my sweat on so I can eat a guilt free bowl of popcorn haha.

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6 thoughts on “Disappointed

  1. Wow! congrats on such an amazing job in the challenge! Sounds like you have some amazing successes to share as well! Second place is a HUGE accomplishment. Well done and thanks for being part of the challenge. It’s amazing to see how determined “go getters” like yourself can do so well when you put your mind to it! That’s very inspiring to hear and see! Nice work! You are a bright and smiling star in our day and we always look forward to your visits! xo

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  2. You worked so hard during this challenge! It’s nice to hear that someone else wondered at points “why” they were doing the challenge. My fiancé offered me stickers just to stop 😝. I was physically & mentally exhausted but I will say the Remembrance Day was a huge help – if this challenge is the hardest thing that I have going on in my life, then I am truly blessed. Thank you for being an inspiration to me and I look forward to working out together again 🙂

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